Long Distance Dating Tips
Let's be honest, long distance sucks! That goes for couples and/or friends who might be 30 minutes away, an hour away or even states away - it's all challenging! Currently all of my very best friends are long distance, and have been for a while now - and on top of that, Adam and I spent the majority of our time dating long distance... 1,110 miles away exact. Adam went to Wheaton College in Illinois while I was in Austin, TX. Well, actually I was in Lexington, KY for my first year and a half but that's another story for another time :).
I don't know about you, but Adam and I seemed to fight a lot more when we were apart rather than when we were together. It's never fun when you're looking forward to talking to your favorite person at the end of a long day (thank God for FaceTime amiright) then they are distracted by roommates or a television (in my case fortnite), are not engaged, and/or moody from whatever happened to them that day, so you end up fighting during your precious minutes that you have with them. This happened more times than I would like to admit, so I have some tips in how to not just survive in long distance relationships, but thrive in them.
Disclaimer - I am not a relationship expert! I'm not perfect and I mess up often. These are just a few tips that we were given in our time dating and things that we feel are important to our relationship not only in long-distance, but in our marriage too!
COMMUNICATE: I know the phrase "communication is key" is overstressed. But, it's true. The amount of times that Adam and I have fought over a lack of communication or miscommunication is ridiculous. We can always improve in this area! Ways that Adam and I try to conquer this dilemma is by talking about what big things we have going on the upcoming week. We will share large items on our schedule that might hinder us from talking on a certain day, so that the other person is prepared and not disappointed when we didn't get to see each other. Adam was the worst at this, and he will admit that he always told me things last minute and I would end up upset when I couldn't see him or tell him about my day. This is 100% avoidable!
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER: This seems like a given, but it's more difficult than you think. When you get busy with other things on your to-do list like homework, hanging out with friends, spending time with your family or if you're just tired - it is easy to get selfish. It is important that you make time each day to talk with one another! It could be just 5 minutes that can make a difference and show that you are thinking about the other person and that you miss them. Adam and I made it a priority to talk every single day - some may think that this is overkill and that you should be content where you are and invest in the people around you, but it was important for us to stay up to date on what was going on in our mental, physical and spiritual state. Your friends, homework and sleep can wait 5 minutes :)
INVEST IN THEM: You can interpret this in so many ways, but it is important to invest in your partner even if you're miles and miles away! You can do this by speaking encouragement into their life, asking them if you can alleviate their stress, and ask them how they are doing. Like really ask them. It is easy to get into the mundane conversations where you just ask how their day was and what they did. This is not relationship building! Ask them deeper questions. How is their mental state? Are they stressed, tired, anxious, overwhelmed? Are they studying God's Word? How is God working in and through them? Even though these questions seem heavy, you'd be surprised at how much you learn about your partner. Once they tell you how they are doing, ask how you can help them. We weren't meant to carry our burdens alone!
LISTEN: Do not talk on the phone distracted. Don't scroll on social media, don't watch TV, don't be listening to your friends conversation in the other room while the other person is talking, don't be multitasking and doing homework or cleaning your room or doing dishes while talking (guilty X1000, I am pretty good at this one...). This is so rude!!! Even though I have been guilty of all of these one time or another (okay more than one time), it is so so rude. You are basically saying to your partner that you couldn't care less about what they are saying, and that something else is more important than they are in that moment. This is one of the most dangerous things to do in a long distance relationship, because it shows that you are going through the motions. Talking just to talk. Where is the purpose in that? It would be better to not even talk to them if you are busy and have other things going on that have to get done, rather than have them on the phone and not listening. Be intentional people. Show them you care about what they have to say.
KEEP IT FUN: Send them a cute package, write them a handwritten card, get them their favorite snack, bless them with a spontaneous "just for fun" gift! Keep the relationship fun and flirty! I always loved giving things to Adam while he was away at school as a mid-week pick-me-up. It is always a blast to bless someone with some of their favorite things or just tell them that you love and miss them. Adam said he always felt overjoyed when he got my packages and couldn't wait to see me next! My favorite gifts that he gave me were when he surprise visited me (quality time love language for the win)!!!
PLAN THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO: Finally the most important of all the things...WHEN DO YOU GET TO SEE THEM NEXT?! Adam and I tried to always have a weekend planned throughout the semester where we would see each other. That way when we had 4 months before we would go home for breaks, we split them up into 2 month intervals. This made long distance bearable. It's also fun to count down the weeks until you get to hug their neck! I was most upset to leave when we didn't have a date set for when we would get to see each other next. I know it's hard finding a time to travel during the school year, during work or even just a time when money is tight. But the investment is so worth it!!!
I'm sure there are a million other things that I am missing when it comes to making long distance work. Every relationship and scenario is different, so do what works best for you! All of these things can apply to friendships as well. Everyone loves being thought of and it's the best when someone goes out of their way to let you know you care about your relationship with them.
So tell me, if you're in a long distance relationship, or even if you're not long distance - what are some tips you have to thrive instead of survive?!
