How Journaling Stengthened My Faith

There’s just something about putting your thoughts, fears and hopes onto paper. It’s almost like an act of submission. That you are stopping everything you are doing, putting all things aside to sit down with God and just write to Him. For me, it’s relaxing, therapeutic, and a way for me to voice all my worries to God. I didn’t start journaling until August of my sophomore year in college. I was still at The University of Kentucky at this point, and I’m not really sure what spurred me to want to buy a large journal to start “journaling” in. But I felt this desire to write my prayers down – I hadn’t seen anyone doing it on social media and I didn’t know any friends that journal- it was just God doing what he does best. He speaks to us when we take the time to listen. 

I distinctly remember the day that I bought my first journal – I was with my mom in Office Depot (of all places) and out of nowhere said, “Mom, I think I want to get a big journal to start writing down my prayers.” I don’t remember exactly what she said but she was completely on board and got me this large, cute journal for me to take to college. During this season of my life, I had recently gone through a breakup with Adam (that lasted 1.5 years), I was heading into my sophomore season of playing soccer (I had a tough experience my first year playing soccer and wanted to see how things went my second season before I decided to make a change), and there were a lot of unknowns. Little did I know, God was going to use that journal during the most painful semester of my life to show me MORE of him. 

I’m going to pause for a second and just say that I had no idea what I was doing when I first started journaling. It was kind of unnatural for me to write a prayer down (and it would take me forever, because I tend to have longer prayers). I had no idea what to say and didn’t even know if it would be effective. So, I googled “how to have a prayer journal”, and used that as my base and it just evolved from a structured prayer of thanks and me asking for him to fix/change situations in my life to a fluid prayer of what thoughts and fears kept popping into my head in the moment that I needed guidance in. I also started circling the prayers that were answered throughout the semester and putting the dates that they were answered. It was a physical and tangible way to see God’s hand in my life when in reality I couldn’t see anything or anyone working in my favor. This is one of my favorite things to look back on! Now when I question what God is doing, or ask him why – I think back to all of those answered prayers when he provided for me. I find peace in the fact that God is always with me and is fighting for me even when I can’t see him.  

So, there is no perfect way to journal. Journaling is a way to express your thoughts and to speak to God in a slower, more intentional way. Now back to what I was saying ☺

In my fourth journal entry, I prayed that God would strip me of my pride with soccer, and that he would change my heart and mindset about why I play and who I’m playing for. Y’all - be careful what you ask for! Kid you not, one week later I lost my starting spot, and in a very dramatic way. It was the day that changed the trajectory of my entire college career, both in school and in athletics. From that day on, I journaled every. single. day. For real. I would spend an hour a day to sit and write to God. I was sad, scared and unsure of what my life was going to look like. The only person I had to turn to was God. I say that, and I had my family to talk to and walk through this season with, but they were 15 hours away so I was essentially doing it by myself. I didn’t have many friends at UK because soccer consumed my life, and God knew that I NEEDED him.

This was a pivotal time in my life not only in my worldly circumstances, but also spiritually. I prayed boldly in those journals. I asked for miracles and for provision. And man did he provide big time, but once again it didn’t look like what I expected. As the weeks went on, things got progressively worse in my life. I lost my spot, I was dealing with a breakup and I got really sick multiple weeks in a row and was still practicing, which lead me to get mono.  At first, it seemed like my prayers weren’t working, that God was just gonna let me suffer through this one. But as time passed, I realized that each event that happened to me was preparing me for a big change and God was providing me a way out of my current situation.  Honestly, I was walking through a fire that satan thought would destroy me, but rather God used to refine me.  Boy, am I thankful for that!

I knew I was going to transfer after I lost my spot, so all semester long, while I sat in my room more often than not (thx mono) I had plenty of time to pray and journal the things that were on my heart and the questions I wanted God to answer in regards to where I was supposed to go and how I was supposed to get there. That semester was very dark for me. I was fearful, and extremely upset about the way my life was turning out. I was sick from early September all the way through November – and when I say sick, I mean really sick. I am surprised that I passed school that semester because I had no energy and had terrible issues with my throat. But along the way, God was using my sickness to guide me in the right direction and was performing miracles for me – but I will talk more about that in a different post ☺.  

One point I want to touch on is that during this season, I so badly wanted to go back to soccer even though it was a toxic environment. Any time I started to feel a little healthier, I wanted to go back and play so that I could be the hero for my team. I wanted to get recognition from my coach and team after being sick that I was still the player I knew myself to be. Here’s what was wrong with that mindset - I wanted a redemption story when in reality God was trying to protect me. He was providing me a way out! The only way I could transfer in a way that was honoring to Christ was to say that I needed to take the time to get healthy and the only way I could do that was by going back to Texas. How cool is God? Even though I struggled all the way through that season, he was orchestrating every detail of my life to show me that he is in control and that my purpose was to ultimately give him the Glory in all circumstances. Thinking about it now, I feel a lot like the Israelites that were lead out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. I questioned and fought and cried and whined about my circumstances rather than trusting that God was leading me to what he had promised. (Face palm). Don’t rush God’s plan for you. His timing is perfect. He is in the business of redemption and restoration, but in his timing. 

He hears you, he sees you, and he understands you. He knows the desires of your heart and he wants to give those things. But you have to TRUST him and be PATIENT that he will answer! His word says that his ways are higher than your ways and his thoughts are higher than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). His plan is so much better, so in the season of your waiting I encourage you to start journaling. Don’t just write down everything you want/need, and expect him to answer. You have to seek him. Read his word and be still enough to hear his voice. That is equally as important, if not, more important than writing your prayers down.  

I know this was a long one, so if you’ve made it this far – you’re amazing! I hope that this is encouraging to you in whatever season you may be in, and maybe it spurred you to try something new in your relationship with Christ. 

I’d love to know what you think in the comments below. ☺

Thanks for reading!