My Redemption Story

I want to start off saying if you haven't read part one of my story and experience playing soccer at The University of Kentucky - I suggest you read it before moving forward. It will make a lot more sense that way ;)

My story at Kentucky was nothing short of miracles, but it didn't stop there. After God had removed me from the soccer team at Kentucky and I announced I was going to transfer, He showed me a plan that I would've never written for myself and redeemed me in ways I could've never imagined.

TRANSFERRING PROCESS

If you're new to the college athletics world, I'll explain briefly what the transferring process looks like. Once you tell your coach that you would like to leave and what semester you plan on leaving, they give you a formal "release", which is a bunch of paperwork saying you won't be able to play for another school within the same conference without having to sit out for one year, and losing a year of eligibility. If you choose a school out of the conference, then you keep all eligibility and are able to compete that same year. They will then ask you what schools you are interested in attending and they send your release to each of the schools to notify them that you are free game to recruit.

When I knew I was going to transfer I wanted to for sure move back to Texas and be within driving distance of home. I already applied to Baylor and A&M earlier in the semester (what a rebel, I know), but in reality I knew I wanted to go to Baylor because I grew up supporting that school due to family living in Waco and had an idea of what the atmosphere would be like. So, I gave my coach the options of Baylor, Texas and Texas A&M to send my release to. I kept A&M and Texas in the mix to say I had other options when a coach would talk to me, so that I could leverage scholarship money and keep the process competitive. A&M didn't have roster spots open for the 2016 season, so Texas and Baylor were the final two and that was a no brainer decision for me - plus, I always had a negative view of Texas because the town where I'm from considers it "Hell's Den" haha.

My main concern was that I wanted a bi-polar opposite experience from what I had at Kentucky and Baylor seemed like the best option since it was a private school and instilled Christian values into their everyday life!

CAMPUS VISITS

Fast forward a month later and I had visits set up at Baylor (weekend before Thanksgiving) and Texas (Monday after Thanksgiving) to hopefully make a decision before the semester was over. Mind you, all fall semester I had been journaling and praying for God to make this decision clear as day, to provide financially and for His will to be done. The hysterical part of all of that is that I was telling everyone I was going to Baylor and even applied to rush the Spring semester (even told all my friends there that I was rushing). So much for wanting God's will huh?!

Baylor

The Baylor visit was going smoothly, especially since I was very familiar with the campus, up until the part where we had to talk about their interest in me and scholarship money. It's safe to say the conversation didn't go exactly how I would've planned, however that wasn't going to keep me from going there! Something didn't feel right, but I wanted to stick with Baylor because all semester long I had convinced myself it was the right place to be. I even begged my parents to let me back out of my visit to Texas because I "knew' I was going to hate it!! Thankfully, they made me follow through on my commitment.

Texas

The first half of my visit to Texas was very normal, maybe even average I would say, so I thought it would confirm that going to Baylor was right. The second half however I met with the entire coaching staff as they began to talk about their practices, how their team dynamics are, what their training regimen looks like, etc. My mom said my eyes started to light up, although I'm not sure that's exactly how I looked ;). At the end of my visit I had the chance to ask the head coach some questions and she even said out loud she felt like I was interviewing her hahah. I wanted to make sure she wasn't fibbing about the type of environment she had created at Texas and that I wasn't going to experience the type of betrayal I had at Kentucky. Leaving that day I was confused, but there was no time to think because I immediately had to hop on a flight back to Kentucky to finish out my semester. My parents and I agreed we would revisit the conversation later in the week after I had time to think about my options.

DECISION MAKING TIME aka GOD'S INTERVENTION

I kept praying that God would give me supernatural clarity and wisdom as to which school He wanted me at. Ironically, Texas and Baylor were playing each other that week in football and I even joked that whichever team won, is the school I would go to ;). But as the week went on, something felt wrong about Baylor. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, and I so badly wanted that to be the school I attended that I almost brushed it off. However, that "off feeling" never went away. Even when I would talk to friends about my experiences on each visit, they all said I would light up when I would talk about Texas.

I called my parents 4 days after my visit to Texas and said I wasn't quite sure why but something didn't feel right about Baylor, and that I thought I should go to Texas. My mom said "that is so weird because your Dad just got home from traveling and we both said the exact same thing. Even Bobo and Bevie (my grandparents who LOVE Baylor) said they had been praying about it and they didn't think Baylor was the right decision!"

My gut feelings were confirmed. The following morning I called the head coach of Texas and told her I wanted to play for her starting in the Spring, but the bad news was I hadn't even applied for school (insert awkward pause) hahaha. Even funnier is that the Texas Football program was trash that year and they ended up BEATING Baylor the next day who was nationally ranked at the time!! It was almost like God was winking at me :) P.S Don't ever underestimate God's ability to answer prayers, even the goofy ones ;)

HEALING

Choosing Texas was the biggest blessing. As I looked through my prayer journal that first semester (click to see my journaling tips), I saw so many answered prayers! I experienced emotional and physical healing that I only could've gotten from Texas. The environment was healthy, the coaching staff was full of believers, and the team dynamics were significantly better (oh, AND I had a social life!!!). It was everything I imagined college soccer to be, until soccer season started.

MY JUNIOR SEASON AT TEXAS

I struggled a lot with my identity at Kentucky, and I thought I was over that lesson when I transferred. However, God wanted to make sure I had really learned it before He let it go ;) My dream when I transferred to Texas was that I would be the starting goalkeeper, have this incredible redemption story where I would lead the program to the furthest round they've ever gone in the NCAA Tournament, win a Big 12 Title and have articles written about me. OH and I can't forget that I always envisioned playing Kentucky in the NCAA Tournament and beating them. Icing on the cake ;)

Well, it pretty much happened the complete OPPOSITE way I imagined (isn't that how it usually goes??). When I first showed up at Texas I was way out of shape due to recently being healed from mono and not having worked out for 2 months, even though by the end of the off season I was back up to speed, the coaches had made a mental decision that I "wasn't ready". I played one pre-season game in the fall and that was the last of my playing time.

Soccer-wise, it was a tough semester for me to watch another goalkeeper play while our team was having the worst season in school history... I questioned a lot of things that year and even thought about quitting soccer. I felt like God was closing a lot of doors, and I so badly wanted them open. During the off season I harbored a lot of bitterness of how the season played out, and I dreaded going to practice, being surrounded by the team, etc. If I'm being honest, I was secretly hoping there was a way that I could quit without quitting hahaha.

THE FINAL DOOR WAS SHUT

God sure was listening! During the spring season of my junior year I was doing field player drills and was defending one of my teammates who is notorious for cutting the ball back, and before I knew it I was on the ground crying after I heard my knee pop. I knew it was my ACL. I walked off the field, and waited in the training room while our head trainer called the doctor to get evaluated. During this 10 minute waiting period I cried a lot, but I think it was more out of shock than anything. My whole life I trained to prevent ACL injuries and never thought it would happen to me! Weirdly enough, I had an overwhelming amount of peace that no matter what the results were that God had this all planned out!

My hopes were that it wasn't torn because I really didn't want to get surgery, but knew that if I did my college soccer career was over. An ACL repair is a 9 month recovery and the timeline of my surgery lined up with the very end of the next soccer season - God was closing that door!

OVERWHELMING PEACE 

My experience at Texas was very different than at Kentucky. After I found out my career was over, I had teammates send me cookies, another teammate stayed the night in my apartment with me to make sure I was okay and drove me to my appointments the next morning, coaches texted me and affirmed me, our head trainer went to meet the surgeon with me where he told me that I was in charge of this process, I get to choose the doctor I use, and on my own timing - essentially to do what was best for me. That was BI-POLAR opposite from Kentucky.

I realized during this injury that God had redeemed the story. He gave me hope in people again, that we aren't all only looking out for ourselves and are self consumed. He gave me a hope in how you are treated when things don't work out (unplanned sickness, injuries, etc.), and He gave me confidence in who I am and the skillset He has given me.

I was at peace with God's plan and He had been preparing my heart for years before He ever closed the door.

REDEMPTION > REVENGE

Remember how I wanted to play Kentucky in the NCAA tournament after I transferred? Well, the season after I got hurt (what would've been my senior year and I would've played) Texas travelled to play Cal Berkley - oddly enough the new assistant coach was Jon Lipsitz, my former coach at Kentucky. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! Injured players don't travel and I had so many thoughts rushing through my head - that Jon would feel justified in how he treated me when he saw I wasn't there, he would think I didn't make the travel roster, and he will think he won. Coincidentally, California had a major heat wave causing the game to get cancelled *deep sigh of relief*.

But where is the big bow on the top of this story? Where were the heroics of betrayal turned success? The story that hard work, dedication, commitment, and integrity win? Here's my takeaway from this experience - God was using me! He opened doors for me that allowed me to travel to Costa Rica and Germany, to play for Puma, and to try out for the National Team. He allowed huge success my freshman year of college soccer and then it was gone in an instant. He used me to show others how to handle betrayal with grace and integrity, and that making a decision for yourself is NOT selfish, but wise.

I'm not sure I see the impact I had at Texas yet, but I know that there was purpose in being there. For pete's sake, it could've been for just the sole purpose that Adam and I got back together and eventually married, got a job here in austin, bought a house, and now my brother is going to UT and we get to be close to him and watch him play baseball, and the list goes on!

WE DON'T HAVE TO KNOW WHY

Soccer was a very large part of my life that I sacrificed and gave so much up for. I still don't know why this is my story, or why God had opened so many doors for me, just for them to be slammed shut. I struggled for years dealing with the outcome of my soccer career. Ultimately, I wanted success on my own terms, and God reminded me that His will has purpose and that His story for me is better than I could ever imagine. It isn't our job to understand why, only to obey and to do the best with what God has given me! That's where joy, peace and contentment are found.

My story is a loss of a dream. In the big scheme of things, that dream is small and not much of a loss because what I gained mentally and spiritually are far more significant.

If you read this far - holy cow thank you. It means so much that you would invest your time in reading my story and learning from my life experiences. I was nervous about posting this because of how long it was. But God works the best in the details and there are SO MANY within this story - can you believe I even left some out!?!